Nibbler the guard dog shows modeling potential

The "look up at your master, bitch" pose. You can see the reflection of the photographer in her eyes.

I'm now alone in a three-bedroom house, without the roommate, who moved, to protect the place when I'm at work or at Wal-Mart.

That old roommate is still my landlord, but I'm his puppy sitter. Nibbler the guard dog has returned, and her timing is perfect. Her presence has been calming as I'm trying to cope with the spooks that come with being the sole occupant of a house that's much too big for me.

But I must say, Nibbles - as I sometimes refer to her affectionately - was a real bitch at one time. I hate to use such language, but you'll have to read this before judging me for potty-mouthing the puppy.

The other night, I was readying myself for sleepytime - scrubbing the teeth and armpits, etc., etc. - and Nibbler's in the kitchen whining that there's no Purina Beneful in her bowl. She had already eaten three times that day, and I didn't want to feed her again before bed: I was afraid of the surprise she would drop for me in the morning. So I told her, "No, Nibbler, no late-night snack."

During my pre-bedtime primping session, I heard the clank, clank of the dog's tag hitting the bowl. Pretending she's eating from it and making noise in doing so is her way of telling me to fill it.

When I was done with my hygienic upkeep, I sat down for one final (about the 100th total) e-mail check for the day. In through the doorway walks none other than THE guard dog, Nibbler the guard dog. She walks to my feet, squats and pees.

"Noooooooooooo. Bad. Bad. Bad, Nibbler."

I picked her up, and outside she went. I didn't give her a backyard beating like many people do in the South, but I scolded her harshly for her urinating act. I know she did it just to spite me.

Ya see now? Bitch.

But she's cute, so it's difficult to hold a grudge for long.

The nature of our more recent backyard romp was different: It was a photo shoot.

There are a variety of shots here that show off my surrogate baby's beauty. I tried hard to get a shot of her standing to grab a treat. I got a few, but they weren't what I was looking for. After she realized that I didn't have a treat in my hand when I told her to stand, she stopped doing it, killing any chance of me getting the photo.

But these are the shots I did get. I hope you agree that if the guard dog thing doesn't work out, Nibbler has a future in modeling - if she's a good girl.

In the words of Austin Powers, "Oh, behave!"

The "I'm such a Playboy Bunny because of the ears" pose.

The ambidextrous "oh, I didn't know you were there" and "by the way, you've got to mow your lawn" pose.

The "look at the texture on my nose" pose.

The "man, I'm tired of this photo shoot" pose.

The "whoa, I'm dizzy" pose.

The "primp and proper puppy" pose.






























The "scared of those storm clouds" pose.






























The "I want that treat, I want that treat, I want that treat, what? no treat?" pose.

The "grass on the tongue, grass on the tongue, grass on the tongue, what grass on the tongue?" pose.